Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the spaceship,
Every creature was stirring,
Including Commander Flongwhip.



.Uniforms were thrown
On the floor without a care,
As many aliens floated,
Upside-down, in mid-air.

And Commander Flongwhip with his Snotglop,
And I in my Fnack,
Set a course for Earth,
As we had a large snack.



When suddenly outside the spaceship
There arose such a clatter,
That I jumped up from my chair,
Thinking we had hit a pile of matter.

Away to the spaceship window
I ran with Captain Fnash,
Tripped over Sargent Suttah
And fat Lieutenant Clash!

The moon on the side
Of our spaceship was shining,
And then I heard Sphignat,
Our spacedog, start whining.



When what to my large,
Onyx eyes should appear,
But long, shooting flames
Coming out our ship's rear!

I turned to Captain Fnash,
Who was now floating more quick,
And said, "Captain, I fear
We've run into Saint Nick!"

More rapid than dungshotz
Flew the reindeer we'd maimed,
And as we entered Earth's atmosphere,
I suddenly exclaimed:

"Poor, Dasher! Poor, Dancer!
Poor, Prancer and Vixen!
Poor, Comet! Poor, Cupid!
Poor, Donder and Blitzen!

They got in our flight path
As we were starting to fall,
And somehow our spaceship
Ran into them all!"



To the tops of their antlers!
To the tops of their heads!
These deer had an accident,
And I hope they're not dead!"

As dry spaceship waste
Emits a foul odor,
When it's left to sit too long
With no spinning motor,

Somehow these eight reindeer
Got in our way,
And since they're Santa's team,
They'll now be heck to pay.

Then we landed on Earth,
And saw the injured reindeer fly
Over our heads with
Huge, bewildered eyes.

 

These poor deer had met
With an obstacle in the sky,
Up in the atmosphere,
Surely they were flying too high.

And then, suddenly I saw them
On our ship's roof,
They were scraping and clawing
With each reindeer hoof.

As I was turning around,
I heard a strange sound
And saw Saint Nicholas fall down
From the sky with a bound!

He landed on our spaceship,
Squashing four of his deer,
And then he yelled terrible words,
And I was filled with great fear.

He was dressed in black fur,
From his head to his foot,
And his once-red clothes were tarnished,
But from ship's fumes, not soot.

A bundle of broken toys was
Slapped across his back,
And a pedal from some poor kid's bike
Went sailing out of his pack.

His eyes - how mad they looked!
His dimples, were silly,
His cheeks were sagging balls of fat,
His nose was bumpy and hilly!

His drooling, little mouth
Was tied up like a sash,
And the beard on his chin
Was as brown as moldy mash.

The stump of a pipe
Had caused him to break his teeth,
And the smoke from our spaceship
Circled his puffy head like a wreath.

He had a blimp of a face
And a hugely fat belly,
That was covered with remnants
Of peanut butter and jelly.

He was chubby and plump,
A quite old, fat, elf,
And I pulled out my ray gun--and aimed it,
In spite of myself!



A blink of his eye
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
I had something to dread.

I spoke not a word,
But went straight to my work,
And began to neutralize him,
Before turning with a jerk,

And cramming a finger
Inside of my nose,
And giving a nod,
Into my spaceship I rose.

I sprang to the bridge,
To my team gave a scream,
And away we all flew,
Like we'd just had a bad dream.

 

But Earthlings heard me clearly bellow
As we warped out of Earth's sight,

 

 

 

 

© 1998

Written by 12-year-old in the "early days" of using the internet--when everything online was so exciting...